I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
