the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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