how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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