what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
