Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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