do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
