maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
