Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
