his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
