omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
