I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
