i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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