It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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