My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
