ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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