Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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