He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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