my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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