dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
