Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
