My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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