You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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