i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
