haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Randomize
