____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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