i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
