All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
