I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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