Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
