$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
