And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
accomplished twins. life is a go
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
