I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
