i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
