Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
