My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
