I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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