My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
