I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
