Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
