Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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