to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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