Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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