EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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