It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
