You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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