I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
