We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
