Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
