Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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