A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
