if you like me you must not know who I am
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A bitchslap is in order.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
