i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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