Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
