Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
