All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
