Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
